I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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