someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
