what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
