Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
