I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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