Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?