So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker