You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.