Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i drank out of a bidet.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
