Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
