Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
