bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
His nipple licking is glorious
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