My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
