4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My first STD was from a foam party
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
