dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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