I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
