Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
