dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize