The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
