I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
