you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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