I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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