oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
