Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
