I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
