I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
