Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
