I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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