And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
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I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
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Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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