She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They are going to name an STD after you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize