I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize