girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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