Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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