She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He felt like a one man threesome
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
