Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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