i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
