They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
