I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
