i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
