JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just cropdusted the office
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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