i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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