I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
