He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
