the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
