are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
