when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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