How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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