Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize