wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
