Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
