He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Couch. On fire.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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