Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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