I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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