and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
