I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...