You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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