We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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