im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
