is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
