U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
