You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Houston, we have a blender
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
