I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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