i think my mom watched the whole time
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
