I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
