he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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