definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
