Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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