i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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