just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
