Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
