And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
