4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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