we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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